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Happy Birthday?
Tuesday was my mom’s birthday. Natalie and I went out to dinner with her and my dad, my brother Robert and his wife, Maria (if you’ve been reading along and are confused about “Maria,” one is my cousin...
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Day 3, and So On
I hate this. I goddamn hate that my son is dead and that you’ll say so very sympathetically, “Of course you do” but you don’t know. You think I’m brave and I’m doing great and hey, I’m writing a blog...
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What it Took
I have learned more in the year-and-a-half since Philip died than I have learned in a lifetime. It’s not separate, not really. It’s all of a piece of the work I’ve done because of the particular things...
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What I’ll Accept
“Accept whatever comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny, for what could more aptly fit your needs?” —–Marcus Aurelius I’m still trying to write Part Two because I wrote Part One and I...
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Two Years
Me and Philip, August 2012 Two years ago today was the last time I saw Philip; February 1st, as in 2/1 or 2/01 which will make sense if you read what I wrote here. We went to dinner at the moderately...
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1/20/91 ~ 2/23/12
It’s no exaggeration to say that I knew the worst moments of my life on February 23rd, 2012. One of the first things I thought when Phil told me Philip had died was, “Right now, this very second, there...
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Nikki
It’s taken two weeks of writing for me to realize what I want to say – and this isn’t it. But I’m posting this first because it’s been too long, and next because I want to show you. I have an open...
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How I Practice
I’ve been getting rid of stuff. Because when there’s too much of what you have, it becomes stuff instead of what it really is. It’s not clothes, books, shoes, jewelry, fabric; it’s stuff. And when...
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On Love and Death
Cindy and I spent New Year’s Eve at her house, watching almost all of season two of “Transparent.” At 11:53 she put the TV on one of the channels that was broadcasting the ball dropping from Times...
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The Bridge
“But soon we shall die and all memory of those five will have left the earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love...
View Article“Sixty”
There are moments that the words don’t reach There is suffering too terrible to name You hold your child as tight as you can And push away the unimaginable The moments when you’re in so deep It feels...
View ArticleCovid-19 – 04/10/20
As of this moment, neither I nor anyone I know and/or love has been infected with Covid-19. That said, it’s easy for me to look at the brighter side of this pandemic as it affects me. I am laid off and...
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